Resources

“My Loss”
Elevator Speech

After my son Harvey died, I didn't know how to talk about what had happened to us—especially with strangers. I didn't know how to answer questions about my family; questions that are common when meeting someone new.

Innocent questions like:

  • Tell me about your family.

  • Do you have other children?

  • How’s everyone at your house?

  • How many kids do you have?

💔☹️

I came up with an elevator speech that I practiced routinely out in the wild (aka, in public) until I landed on something authentic.

I sometimes switched the order of the children or how much information I provided, usually based on follow-up questions, my mood or how much I wanted to share that day.

My go-to loss elevator speech is below:

“Hi, I’m Marie and I have three boys. Boy 3, who is 8. Boy 2, who is 10 and Boy 1—Harvey—who would be 14 this year. Harvey died about 10 years ago, when he was 4 years old. He died from complications of a rare form of epilepsy called Lennox-Gaustaut Syndrome.”

Yes, I really do say this to people…even strangers.

Yes, they sometimes freeze or get a look on their face that says, “I’m sorry I asked.”

Yes, most people say something like, “I’m so sorry. I can’t image.”

And, yes, that is the best, most validating response.

I typically follow up with, “Thank you for saying that. It’s every parent’s worst nightmare and yet every time I come up against something that feels hard I remember that I’ve already lived through the hardest thing I can image…so this next things can’t be so bad.”

Moral of the story: you are in control of your grief journey.

You have the option to get ahead of the awkward conversations by coming straight out with the thing that has created the most uncertainty and lack of control in your life—the death of your child.

I developed the “My Loss” Elevator Speech exactly for this reason.

So that when you are undoubtedly asked about your family, you have an authentic but brief response to share. Something that honors your grief but, more importantly, honors your child.

I encourage participants in my grief groups, workshops and events to create and share their “morbid madlib” as an introduction to the group.

That way, we get the hard part over with right away—saying every parent’s worst nightmare out loud.

There is a real comfort in knowing that you are not alone when on a child loss journey. So, despite the tears (and fears) when spending time with grief—it is absolutely worth it.

Afterall, we will be talking about our children and loved ones for the rest of our lives. Couldn’t hurt to feel more confident when doing it. ❤️‍🩹

Please use this FREE resource as intended: to help yourself or others grow in confidence when speaking about the death of their child.

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